Funny Irish Jokes - 2

Irish perfume: O'De Colleen.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are driving in the desert, suddenly the car breaks down. The Englishman take some food, the Scotsman some water and the Irishman, the car door. The Englishman and Scotsman ask the Irishman 'Why take the car door?' The Irish man replies 'if it gets hot, I can wind the window down!'

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0
Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0
Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.
The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0
The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How can you possibly give that mess 6.0?!"
To which the Irish judge replies "You've gotta remember, it's very slippery out there."

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

A wealthy earl went salmon fishing in Ireland. After a fortnight without a bite he eventually hooked one small salmon. As Paddy, his ghillie, landed it, the earl said, 'Do you know, that salmon cost me two hundred pounds?' 'Ah,' said Paddy, 'aren't you the lucky man that you didn't catch two.'

My uncle said, 'I've got this elephant who's so sulky he just sits in a comer and mutters to himself. What shall I call him?'
The vet said, 'How about mumbo jumbo'.

You can find more jokes like this in the Animals and Pets category.