Funny Miscellaneous Jokes - 4

A pair of martians landed on a country road on Earth in the middle of the night. "Where are we?" one martian asked. "I think we're in a cemetary," replied the other, "Look at the gravestone over there - that man lived to be 108." "What's his name?" "Miles from Omaha."

"Oh, what a lovely cow!" exclaimed the young woman from the city. "But why doesn't it have any horns?" "There are many reasons," said the farmer. "Some cows don't have them until later in life. Others have them removed, while other breeds are born without them. This cow doesn't have any horns because it's a horse."

The pilot of a small private plane ran out of fuel and decided to put it down on a road. He managed to coast into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"
The attendant just looked at the pilot.
"Bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a fuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied, "True, most pilots use the airport just over there."

Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?

Submitted by: Fred

On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.

Xerox never comes up with anything original.

Lt. Uhura says:"Subspace Communications-
It's the next best thing to beaming there!"

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a lot better than the penalty for murder.

Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: "Justice prevailed." The senior partner replied in haste: "Appeal immediately."

Politicians deal with the public on the basis of the mushroom policy: Keep them in the dark and feed them manure.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

You can find more jokes like this in the Bumper Stickers category.